Confessions of a Geeky Girl

I feel like cutting myself off from everyone and everything.  Not that things aren't already half way there.  I'm out of the loop.  Outside the circle and there's no way back in.  What is it about me that makes people want to alienate me?  Maybe I'm just imagining things (AGAIN!).  What does it matter anyway, either way.  Just fed up with the whole lot of it.  Of trying to keep up, of trying to keep track and doing nothing more than falling on my stupid face time and time again.  

I need my friends.  Even if they don't really think they are my friends, I need them.  I need to have that contact, a friendly word, a bit of support.  I try to do the same for them but obviously it isn't what they want.  Not from me at least.  Here I am, stuck in a place where everyone keeps to themselves, no one interferes and no one dares reaches out to the people around them to try and be friendly.  Back in Oklahoma I was warm, open, caring, fun, full of life and confident.  Here I am dull, boring, shy and just can't seem to find anyone who wants to truly be a friend.  Maybe that's my curse.  To forever spend the rest of my days relegated to the background of groups, to never really be a part.  

It is what it is.  I have no choice but to accept it.