Confessions of a Geeky Girl

( I suppose it could be worse. At least I still score as a 'con )

I generally abhor forwarded e-mails as they are full of, well, crap.  I mean, really, if I had done those stupid chain letter things, I'd have all of Heaven's angels surrounding me.  I think I'll take my chances, thanks.  My mom, I think trying to find ways to encourage me, usually sends me these things.  I must admit that most of them end up deleted straight away.  Sometimes though she does manage to send through a winner.  I just thought I'd put them up here for all to enjoy!

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are (purportedly) things people actually said in court, word for 
word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually 
taking place. 

     

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!

 

  

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

 

 

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

 

 

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

 

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

 

 

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.

 

 

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you kidding me?

 

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS : Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney.  Can I get a new attorney?
 

 

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.

 

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.

 

 

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

 

 

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

 

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.

 

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

 

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

 

 

And the best for last:

 

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

I( He couldn't help himself. )

Being stuck in Detroit for over 24 hours.

( Yay for Rants! )

I have come to realize over the last few days that my Red Alert muse is dead.  I am rather sad about this, actually as I liked having him around even if he was a pain at times.  I will miss the way he pestered me about the laundry.  He did keep me on track quite often.  I suppose that he felt that he served no purpose or had no use anymore and moved on to greener pastures, not that I blame him. 

What scares me more, is that nearly all my muses are dying along side him.  My brain is a quiet place anymore.  A sad place.  I miss the people who I thought were my friends.  I guess I was wrong.  As usual.  Doesn't matter. 

Yeah, this is just chock full of me pissing and moaning so you can ignore it if you want. 

( You were warned. )

When I was a kid growing up in the 80's Mr. Wizard's World was one of my first doses of geekiness using nifty experiements to explain how and why things worked.  I loved it and my sister and I would regularly tune into it.  Several of the experiments have stayed in my mind over the years and one in particular did.  Mr. Wizard was talking about the strength of arcs and demonstrated such strength by attempting to crush an egg.  Well, because of the shape of the egg, it distributes the pressure and therefore will not crack.  I was truly amazed by this fact.  So much so that from that time (I was probably 7) to the present day (I'm now 31) I have tried it more times than I can count.

Saturday, however, I found that Mr Wizard wasn't always right about these things.

I had decided to bake a cake to take over to my in-laws for their wedding anniversary and one of my boys loves to help with that kind of thing.  Trying to make it more entertaining for him I decided to show him the egg trick.  "Hey Ry!  Watch this!"  *squeeeeeeze* *CRACK!* 

No one told me that eggs shoot.  Seriously.  Instead of it turning into a drippy mess in my hand, the yolk literally flew up in the air about three or four feet, flew behind me and landed about three feet behind me.  On a rug.  Most of the white ended up running down my shirt.  Ryan stood there, his mouth gaping.  I stood there giggling like a moron.  Although it was messy, it was at least something entertaining for Ryan.
 

Today has been a good day so far.

It just got a little better a couple of hours ago.

"Why is that?" you ask.  Well, let me tell you.

I have visitors.  Yes, I know, I can see the questioning looks on your faces so let me elaborate. 

My guests are Starscream and Megatron.  Yes, you heard me right.  Oh dear.  The questioning looks have become "she's lost it" looks.  So I will explain more.

Over on Comics in Disguise it was decided by one of the members that her Revoltech Starscream and Megatron needed a vacation.  Loads of us signed up and it is my turn to play host to them.  We are to take them out and about, take pictures and put it in their blog.  So far they have conquered London and Rochester.  Now they get to lay waste to the town of Lowestoft!  I have all sorts of fun things planned for them before I send them to the North of England.  From there they will take a tour of the United States.

So, as I was waiting accepting delivery of my groceries I also accepted delivery of Megs and Screamer.  Being the mature and responsible 31 year old that I am, what did I do first?  Put the groceries away or play with toys?

PLAY WITH TOYS!

Yes, my priorities are so clear.

Just letting folks know that I'm still alive and breathing.  Mom's been here and it's been insane, as usual.  I don't know if it's the whole parent/child thing or what, but my usually calm and (somewhat) ordered life seems to fall apart when she's here.  She seems to know exactly which buttons to push, which nerves to get on and all of this in a very passive aggressive way.  It also doesn't help that my husband, although he gets along with her, turns into a complete and utter arse when she's here.  He is bitchy, snipes at me and generally treats me like crap when she's here.  

*sigh* As much as I love it when mom is here and I hate to see her go home, I have a guilty twinge when I realize that there is a part of me that is glad to see her go home.

On the plus and totally random side, I got a tablet!  YAY!  I'm so loving it too! 

I feel like cutting myself off from everyone and everything.  Not that things aren't already half way there.  I'm out of the loop.  Outside the circle and there's no way back in.  What is it about me that makes people want to alienate me?  Maybe I'm just imagining things (AGAIN!).  What does it matter anyway, either way.  Just fed up with the whole lot of it.  Of trying to keep up, of trying to keep track and doing nothing more than falling on my stupid face time and time again.  

I need my friends.  Even if they don't really think they are my friends, I need them.  I need to have that contact, a friendly word, a bit of support.  I try to do the same for them but obviously it isn't what they want.  Not from me at least.  Here I am, stuck in a place where everyone keeps to themselves, no one interferes and no one dares reaches out to the people around them to try and be friendly.  Back in Oklahoma I was warm, open, caring, fun, full of life and confident.  Here I am dull, boring, shy and just can't seem to find anyone who wants to truly be a friend.  Maybe that's my curse.  To forever spend the rest of my days relegated to the background of groups, to never really be a part.  

It is what it is.  I have no choice but to accept it.

This is taken from an e-mail my mom sent me.  I don't know where it originates from but most of these are hillarious and thought I'd share them.

 

This is a bit of crack written for a friend over at Comics in Disguise.  It's a great site with great people and a great web comic to boot!  Check it out if you haven't already!

This fic was spawned from a bit of silliness between myself and Rumble's owner.  No real warnings, just general ignorance about human anatomy by one little cassette.

I'm bored.  I'M BOOOOOOORED!  Did I mention that I'm incredibly bored?

There is *nothing* going on.  The daily grind is boring.  We've had loads of rain and so can't really go anywhere or do anything.  Most of the RP's I'm on are moving S-L-O-W.  I hate slow.  

The only thing that isn't boring is that my sister has seen a ghost.  Yes, I know that a lot of people would scoff at this, but I do believe my sister.  She is not one to make up such far fetched stories.  



And on a totally unrelated side note:
You know you're in deep when you hear this on Scooby Doo and die laughing.
"The storm overloaded the circuit breakers and knocked all the transformers out."

For Christmas my brother-in-law and his wife saw it to bestow us with a gift certificate for a posh restuarant.

Thought this was an interesting little quiz.  I'm surprised I didn't score much higher than I did, actually!

I owe quite a few people apologies and I'm not above making them.  I know that I have been acting like a spoiled brat and I am really sorry for it.  There are times when I am incredibly selfish and fail to see the forest for the trees.  My friends do care for me, they worry about me and I have taken that and thrown it back in their faces. 

For those of you reading this, you know who you are and I am extremely sorry.

I can only hope that you can forgive me.

I'm tired, worn out, fed up, angry, confused, upset and any other descriptive you'd care to use.  

I don't have it in my anymore.  Wish I could just crawl in a hole or something.  Hide.  Stay there.

Bah.

I don't know anymore.

Like I knew anything in the first place.

Fuck it.

Yep, it's time for a bit of gratuitous sex for the sake of it!  Yay!  Based on my mafiaverse that I'm working on.  So, yeah, you dun like graphic descriptions of... stuff.... don't read!

( I ain't th' smartest Autobot... )

Just was a bunny that bit me and thought I'd drabble it out.  Seems that when all my friends are catching the emo I just got over I am the one sucking up all their happy!  XD

I'm my own crack dealer.  Don't know where it came from, just hit me and I decided to write it down.